Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Nerd in Every Man, meow...

A big purr of thanks to Michelle Lauren, author of STARSTRUCK HUNTER and ATV finalist ~ ~
The Kougar’s blog, The Nerd in Every Man, looks great posted ~ ~ Since Michelle’s blog operates differently than some blogs, you have to claw click on the blog title on her front page, on the right hand side, near the top. Or click the link above. That is, if you want a peekie...
Okay, my adored and adorable KitKats, there was a 7.8 EARTHQUAKE in New Zealand earlier today.
In the news, if you Google it, there are over ten lightning strike stories.
To date lightning has killed more people than tornados or hurricanes and severe lightning strikes are happening all over the world. It looks like the changes in climate are causing more lightning and wind storms.
The Kougar heard a story today, about lightning hitting a woman’s TV set. She watched it enter her home and zap her TV. Weird, huh?
Also, there were 5,500 lightning strikes in the Sedalia, Mo area in one hours’ time this past Sunday. Meow-amazing.



The Kougar is offering herself up as a sacrifice. Here is moi’s critique from two Ellora’s Cave editors for the first page seminar taking place on the Passionate Ink forum.


First Page #1 Critique

Security Agent Drovv Zeghet of the V-Force scowled at the contact screen in the formidable manner he usually reserved for his fiercest enemies.

“The princess has run off again.” He growled the words under his breath, not wanting to alter the smooth operation of his orb ship with his voice.

Returning his expression to neutral, he pressed two fingers on the circular green-glowing button, opening contact with Theszious, the Regional Commander of his home sector.

“Commander, I’m due rec, relaxation and the revelry of my choosing,” Drovv reminded in a clipped, somewhat respectful tone.

“Princess Brazanatta has departed on another adventure of her choosing, Security Agent Zeghet.” Theszious’ expression said it all, he was worried about his daughter and the carnal havoc she could wreak.

“Let me hazard a guess, Commander. The Princess has invaded the innocent population of males on Earth.”

Theszious gave a curt nod. “Security Agent, you are scheduled for the recreational opportunities of our Earth base. Locate the Princess. Bring her to base. I will personally extend your ‘opportunities’ to double your current allotment.”

Drovv mentally growled with a fierceness that reached his gut. Princess Brazanatta of the Fourth Rose Realm had proven a royal enormous pain in the rear of his anatomy on several occasions, all of which he preferred to forget. However, the offer to double his rec allotment tempted him, especially because it was on their Earth base.

“Location details, Commander.” Drovv failed to disguise his high annoyance.

“Two sun revolutions ago on Earth, the Princess landed her disposable pod in the Sandia Mountains of New Mexico State, perhaps to enter the metropolitan area of Albuquerque. May I inquire your flight position, I will send her beacon frequency.”

Kelli: We meet the H/H (presumably) on the first page, which is a rare and nice surprise, and it sounds like readers are in store for some good world-building. The title of this particular sub is a bit confusing, but those are easily changed. The technical skill is mostly good (watch repetition of certain words), and I do wonder a little precisely why the princess has a habit of running away, but I’ll assume it’s explained in the rest of the story.

My only other advice would be to think long and hard about names. In Futuristic/SciFi, more than any other genres, names of people and places get extremely imaginative (and tend to include lots of Zs, Vs, Qs, and many end in A, oddly). Inventiveness is a wonderful thing—as long as the names are pronounceable. Theszious is particularly tricky. You don’t want readers skipping over words they can’t pronounce, especially names.

Meghan: First, I need to mention your title, which is confusing and awkward, and I have to admit that if this were a submission, the title would be the first strike against it. It just doesn’t make sense.

Moving on to the story itself, the first page seems overwritten. You’ve chosen not to use one word when four would do, which, yes, is a stylistic choice, but one that’s very difficult to pull off. I feel like the action and relevant dialogue of the first page could take up a quarter of the space that it currently does, and not much would be lost.

Additionally, this first page is asking more questions than it answers. Unfortunately, they’re not questions that people will be desperate to know the answers to. My biggest question is why the Princess didn’t have a guard on her already—this clearly isn’t the first time that she’s slipped off to wreak “carnal havoc”. If they’re so worried about her, why didn’t she have some sort of bodyguard (or babysitter) before this?

With that said, you’ve managed to (mostly) avoid the spelling and grammar errors that we commonly see in first pages. I’d keep an eye out for repeated words—just in this short section, you have “growled” and “expression” several times each—but you seem to be starting with solid technical skills, something that’s often missing in submissions.

The Kougar’s response ~

It’s worthy to note how much the two editors differ in their comments. That’s often why a story will work for one publisher, yet not another.
The two editors were in agreement over the Kougar’s title as being ‘not worthy’ ... droll kitty smile here... since, gee whiz and whiskers, the story’s title becomes all too obvious a bit later in the story.
Furthermore, this Big Cat must wonder if ‘some, only some’ editors take grouchy pills on purpose, since the criticisms by one of the editors could have been expressed more professionally.
Meow, yes, *it’s a big secret* we authors take the time to intentionally pen something an editor won’t like simply to offend them personally.
The upshot ~ no, moi will not be submitting to Ellora’s Cave, because the minimalist style of writing an erotic romance novel is just no fun for this Big Cat to paw-pen. Sad, since the Kougar has always liked and appreciated EC and their authors.
However, for other Big Cat authors/aspiring authors Ellora’s Cave may be your ideal small print/epublisher.

Authoress news and mews ~

Since the Kougar did not receive an email from LSB, Liquid Silver Books, about a scheduled blog, she is wondering if something is amiss.
However, the blog is mostly prepared... sooooo... shruggies, who knows?

Now ~ FIRST! just for the big cool cats ~

Happy Courtship on another Earth

X-Serial Flash in Two Hundred ~ Sylva and Zeke’s story continues....

Part 200 ~

Sylva couldn’t believe how agonizingly slow her stud cowboy lunged inside her sex. She arched her head back, her eyes shut with the pure ecstasy of his slow-riding cock stretching her sheath. At the same time, her body screamed with impatience for his faster thrusts as he reached her core. “Damn,” she whispered. “My very own super stud.” His cock’s head claimed her core, deliberately pressing. She moaned her staggering pleasure. “God, Sylva,” he rasped. Filling his hands with her butt, he pulled back as slowly as he penetrated her, then began the same gradual lunge. Sylva screamed with bliss.

Zeke growled along with the pleasure shout of his wife, knowing the strength of his cock and how he handled himself with her enraptured her body without the benefit of a climax, not yet. It pleased him no end that she enjoyed the feel of his manhood taking her, not only as a means to the rapturous end he would bring her to. Easing and forcing himself inside her glove-tight sweetness, Zeke glowed with the sheer euphoria of her, even as he strained like a son of a gun to keep his pace rocking-slow. Somehow, she raised her ass higher.
Part 1 - 15 ~ see blog ~ January 15th Cometh, then Part 15... and before...
Part 16 ~ 170 ~ see the Kougar’s prior bloggies... or the Passionate Ink forum, the FREE READS page ~ ~
Sunday ~ Lindsay begins with a ‘shy kiss’ from her historical romance novel, BRONZE LIGHTNING.
Monday ~ Francesca Prescott features a KISS scene from MUCHO CALIENTE, jellyfish included.
Tuesday ~ The Kougar blogs ~ A Kiss is Just a Kiss, or is it?
Thursday ~ The KISS excerpt from THE LOOK by Judah Raine ~ Book of the Week at LASR
Friday ~ An honest kiss ~ Jane Richardson’s excerpt is a beautiful inner portrait of her hero.
Saturday ~ TWO moving and breathless *anticipation of the kiss* excerpts from Bekki Lynn.
Lots of good author entries!
Thursday ~ Suzanne Rock, our wonderful Guest blogger ~ moi’s comment ~
Hi Suzanne, thanks so much for being here today.
Humphrey Bogart and James Dean, so cool. I would never have thought of blending those two.
Maltese Falcon and Rebel Without a Cause, two of my old fave movies.
I'm naughtily curious. Since both of them are smoking, does your hero smoke?
Tuesday ~ The Kougar ~ ...burning its way through my jeans
Friday ~ Serena blogs ~ How many words are there for ‘shifter’?
For the next part of the Never-Ending Story ~ RomanticSynonmous ~
Volcano’s Angelic Forecast for this week ~
Siren-BookStrand blog ~

No! Internet Two... Resistance is victory...
HATE!!! > DTV> it’s a ripoff.


Have a Happy Summer...
May your most romantic dreams come true...

All that star glitter kiss from the Kougar...


Gem Sivad said...

The EC critiques were interesting. Wonder if they do that with real subs.

Posted a comment on your very exciting excerpt on the LSB blog. Kimmel is about to be lost in pride.

Sylva is having a delightful bath and internal massage. Verrry nice.


Serena Shay said...

Holy meow...7.8? Yikes, I would have such trouble with the ground moving under these kitteny paws...

Goodness, Gold Lyon - Yum!! I just love when a hero picks up his woman and carries her off...~sigh~

Jolie Cain said...

very interesting critiques. hmm....everything is so very subjective, isn't it? thanks for sharing.

Savanna Kougar said...

"Sylva is having a delightful bath and internal massage. Verrry nice."

Gem ~ yes, she is!

Serena ~ oh, I know... I've never gotten over Rhett carrying Scarlett up the sweep of stairs.

Jolie, it is subjective in my experience. You're welcome.

Savanna Kougar said...

Lost in Pride... that is too good!

Gem, I'm not certain how they handle subs as far as critiquing.
However, I could ask Robin, one of my fave EC authors. Or, I bet Nina Pierce would know since she's pubbed with them now.