Once upon an Easter time, in a land far, far away ~ several dimensions away, maow-actually ~ dear Big Kitties, meow-moi was a roving reporter among the humanoids. This is her news story on that staggering fateful day, a mere prelude to planet-wide changes.Chocolate Bunny Crucified
by K. S. Wands, Alternative Dimension News
On April 1, 2007, 5:40 a.m., the Easter Bunny, solid 70% healthy cacao, was found hanging from a gigantic neon flashing cross just east of the UFO 1947 crash site near Roswell, New Mexico. It appears his entire chocolate body had been melted down, then re-molded to fit on the highly unusual cross. Enormous jelly beans hide two mammoth toothpicks impaling his upper paws. His hind feet, also impaled by a Paul Bunyan sized toothpick, was hidden by the facsimile of an egg-speckled malt ball. Sadly, the Easter bunny’s crown of thorns had been made to resemble green-dyed coconut, embedded with bright frosting spring flowers. His usual stoic serene expression – yes, I will be consumed – was one of dark chocolate agony, even though his ears remained proudly, stiffly upright.
The cross, flashing different colors to the now famous tones of Close Encounters of the Third Kind, looks to have been secretly constructed at night. With no found tracks in or out of the area, it reminds some local residents of the worldwide Crop Circle phenomena. In fact two local ranch hands, who wish to remain unidentified, first spotted the eerie throbbing glow of light from the cross, when they searched for a lost calf on horseback. Strangely it was a golden-coated calf. Investigating further, they discovered the unfortunate chocolate rabbit. Believing it was a wild stunt done by bored art students, they rode around the perimeter, checking for vehicle tracks. The two ranch hands found no tracks or disturbances of any type in the area. Packing cell phones, they immediately called 911. The operator, not knowing the true nature of the emergency, notified the Roswell authorities, Mufon and the Air Force.
However in a scene straight out of X-Files Gone Madd, the earliest light of dawn had already brought out the ‘chosen’. Laden with their cameras, their camcorders and their camera phones, these ‘chosen’ people are claiming they were summoned to the sacred site by an inner craving so strong, they were forced to follow it. Further, they claim the wafting smell of chocolate guided them to ‘him’. The crucified chocolate Easter bunny.
The land owner, who also requested anonymity, has blessed the gathering, saying the poor crucified critter can hang around as long as the Lord allows. To paraphrase, it’s just not his religious call to make.
Just hours later in another bizarre twist, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, or KSM as he is now being called, has announced in a new confession, that he planned and is completely responsible for the creepy Hollywood crucifixion of the chocolate Easter bunny. This is despite his current confinement at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. He states further the ‘sacrificed candy rabbit should demonstrate to all peoples of western culture its childish blasphemous decadence’.
Meanwhile, beneath a gray dreary sky and the streaking scream of Air Force jets, droves of the ‘bunny faithful’ bring baskets of Easter eggs, laying them reverently around the foot of the great neon signaling cross. There is every color of egg, pastel to jewel brilliant – and every fanciful design, from Faberge to tie-dye. Also included, is every stripe of boiled egg, from watermelon to rick rack. Obviously these egg offerings are decorated by the most creative of hands to the simple loving hands of young children. It is said by most, the sight is truly inspiring.
Whispers carried on the morning breeze, murmurs fly through the large and growing crowd – resurrection. Resurrection. Resurrection, the word is heard as a small whirlwind, spoken over and over by the ‘chosen’. Yet, as a society, do we even dare such a thought?
Will he rise? This crucified chocolate bunny. The dared murmurs continue. Yes, surely he will ascend. Be risen. The heavenly chocolate Easter bunny must resurrect, some say confidently. Still, I hear one mother say to her tiny daughter – No, Bethany, there might not be an Easter Bunny this year. There may never be another Easter Bunny hopping down the happy bunny trail...
by K. S. Wands, Alternative Dimension News
On April 1, 2007, 5:40 a.m., the Easter Bunny, solid 70% healthy cacao, was found hanging from a gigantic neon flashing cross just east of the UFO 1947 crash site near Roswell, New Mexico. It appears his entire chocolate body had been melted down, then re-molded to fit on the highly unusual cross. Enormous jelly beans hide two mammoth toothpicks impaling his upper paws. His hind feet, also impaled by a Paul Bunyan sized toothpick, was hidden by the facsimile of an egg-speckled malt ball. Sadly, the Easter bunny’s crown of thorns had been made to resemble green-dyed coconut, embedded with bright frosting spring flowers. His usual stoic serene expression – yes, I will be consumed – was one of dark chocolate agony, even though his ears remained proudly, stiffly upright.
The cross, flashing different colors to the now famous tones of Close Encounters of the Third Kind, looks to have been secretly constructed at night. With no found tracks in or out of the area, it reminds some local residents of the worldwide Crop Circle phenomena. In fact two local ranch hands, who wish to remain unidentified, first spotted the eerie throbbing glow of light from the cross, when they searched for a lost calf on horseback. Strangely it was a golden-coated calf. Investigating further, they discovered the unfortunate chocolate rabbit. Believing it was a wild stunt done by bored art students, they rode around the perimeter, checking for vehicle tracks. The two ranch hands found no tracks or disturbances of any type in the area. Packing cell phones, they immediately called 911. The operator, not knowing the true nature of the emergency, notified the Roswell authorities, Mufon and the Air Force.
However in a scene straight out of X-Files Gone Madd, the earliest light of dawn had already brought out the ‘chosen’. Laden with their cameras, their camcorders and their camera phones, these ‘chosen’ people are claiming they were summoned to the sacred site by an inner craving so strong, they were forced to follow it. Further, they claim the wafting smell of chocolate guided them to ‘him’. The crucified chocolate Easter bunny.
The land owner, who also requested anonymity, has blessed the gathering, saying the poor crucified critter can hang around as long as the Lord allows. To paraphrase, it’s just not his religious call to make.
Just hours later in another bizarre twist, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, or KSM as he is now being called, has announced in a new confession, that he planned and is completely responsible for the creepy Hollywood crucifixion of the chocolate Easter bunny. This is despite his current confinement at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. He states further the ‘sacrificed candy rabbit should demonstrate to all peoples of western culture its childish blasphemous decadence’.
Meanwhile, beneath a gray dreary sky and the streaking scream of Air Force jets, droves of the ‘bunny faithful’ bring baskets of Easter eggs, laying them reverently around the foot of the great neon signaling cross. There is every color of egg, pastel to jewel brilliant – and every fanciful design, from Faberge to tie-dye. Also included, is every stripe of boiled egg, from watermelon to rick rack. Obviously these egg offerings are decorated by the most creative of hands to the simple loving hands of young children. It is said by most, the sight is truly inspiring.
Whispers carried on the morning breeze, murmurs fly through the large and growing crowd – resurrection. Resurrection. Resurrection, the word is heard as a small whirlwind, spoken over and over by the ‘chosen’. Yet, as a society, do we even dare such a thought?
Will he rise? This crucified chocolate bunny. The dared murmurs continue. Yes, surely he will ascend. Be risen. The heavenly chocolate Easter bunny must resurrect, some say confidently. Still, I hear one mother say to her tiny daughter – No, Bethany, there might not be an Easter Bunny this year. There may never be another Easter Bunny hopping down the happy bunny trail...
A kiss most irreverent from the Kougar...
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